a little nightmare.

That's what I feel like some things in my life are like right now.

For starters, my family--
A little over a year ago, my dad accidentally chopped his finger off with a saw. They were able to save his finger and things were fine, up until two or so months ago, when it got infected. Now, the bone is infected and the finger has to come off to prevent the infection from spreading to other areas of the body. This surgery is happening on Monday...which means more downtime, which sucks, because my dad is looking for a new job, and he won't really be able to when he is recovering. Last time, it seems like recovery took so long. I sure hope it doesn't take that long this time. Everything is a chain reaction and I hate it. This surgery deal puts crazy stress on my mom and that makes me sad. I feel that there's nothing I can do. :( Geez...I don't even know how to explain it. I know it's not me that's have surgery, or the one who has to bear the burden financially, but I'm feeling some sort of effect from it and I feel alone. Everyone is so on edge at my house. At a time when we should probably be closer, we are headed farther apart. I want things to be good again. I miss seeing my parents' marriage when they were happier. Constant tension, irritability; I hate it. Maybe I could use a blessing? I don't know...but I always feel so silly asking my dad for one anyway, let alone right now, when he's the one that needs a blessing! and there's no one I can think of to ask for one, either. I wouldn't want to ask my bishopric or home teachers and there's not really anyone in my family (besides my dad) that could give me one.
Moving on--my job
I had to move back to being a sub, which I didn't like a ton when I did it for an entire year. Not to mention, I miss my kids so much. I think I got more attached to them than I realized after not seeing them every day like normal. My school schedule is so screwed up this semester :( The only good thing I can see is that I have a class with the whopping amount of two people that I am actually friends with in the ling. dept. That's a great thing, and I'm looking forward to it. Other than that, school's making my job situation very difficult. I'm looking for an on-campus job because that will be best with school, but no one will call me! It's not rocket science, people! I have a lot of skills and talents I could bring to a position. I don't get it. I feel like I apply, apply, apply and then just get emails that say we're not moving forward with your application and blah, blah. It also sucks that I don't qualify for work-study. I don't mean to be a complainer, but I've waited a long time. What's the deal with this timing?! ha. Like it's some big joke.
my friends--
I feel like my friends have been so flaky lately. I hate when people flake out, worse than almost anything in the world. What's the point? and my best friend...we don't talk every day like we used to and I see her once a week, if that. I'm happy that things are working out between her and her boyfriend pretty well, but I miss her too. I used to think there was such a thing as a 'best' friend, but I think I'm changing my viewpoint on that. Maybe there's not. That's probably why I'm struggling with the aforementioned stuff too--no one (she would be that person for me and vice versa) to really bounce frustrations off of anymore.
vent session over. I need a hug :(

xoxo
ash