China.

has pretty much been consuming my thoughts as of late. So excited to go, and I still have roughly eight months. I was going to wait to post, but I couldn't :)

Right now, it's looking like I will be going to Shenzhen, just north of Hong Kong.

I never thought I would be going to China of all places, but the more I research it, the more I feel great about the idea.

It's hard to put into words how I feel about the whole experience. I'm thrilled, nervous, happy, a little scared, inquisitive, etc. I'm excited to teach. There's a third, fourth or fifth grade class out there that's waiting for me, to help them learn. So pleased that I can. I love language and I am giddy about sharing my knowledge with others. Just giddy, I love it so much. Few people can really understand that. Most people I talk to and tell that I am going abroad to teach make it seem beneath (?) anything else I could be doing here. Most of the time, I get, "Why China?!" Or one of the many variations of that statement, with either very apparent or more subtle negative thoughts/feelings. What's the big deal with China or Asia in general? Not that it matters what other people think, I don't care. I do wonder why I get these types of reactions though. I'm going because I want to help people learn, have the training to teach English, I want to experience and live in different cultures and it makes me happy. Reason enough.

Then feelings of fear and inadequacy creep in. Fear in general, of being in a foreign place by myself, without any family or home friends around. Will I find good friends? Will I have good roommates, because I could never live alone. What about my friends here in the states, what will I miss with them? Inadequacy in teaching. Will I have the experience I need?? What if I totally suck it up as a teacher? Will I be able to reach out to the kids in China like I need to? So many questions. So few answers.

Here's to an ongoing development. I kind of just wish I could leave tomorrow, truth be told. I could keep going, but I think I'll stop there. Thoughts are whirling. Rather than word vomiting in cyberspace, I'll chill for now.

UPDATE: I've found a program to go through in South Korea that seems better (?) than the one I'd go to China through. I could go anywhere; I never thought I'd go to china--I could end up in Korea, I don't know! We'll see! I do know that I want to work for Disney English but I have to get some experience first. Beyond that-->I don't know! Life doesn't turn out as planned.

xoxox,

ash