can't wait!

4.5.2013 11:30am :)

In spring 2009, as I was on a temple trip with my college stake, a friend and I sat with some others jammed on a tiny bench in the Manti temple lobby. It was there that I decided that I wanted to go through that temple when I got to receive my endowment in the future (and get married in the Bountiful temple). Well, in about two weeks, I will be doing just that! I'm so ready for this. 

xoxox,

ash

the head and the heart.

How do you know what situations in which to follow your head OR your heart? I am almost always a heart-follower. I know that what my heart is telling me will probably keep me happier in the long run. That is probably part of my analytical nature (with my personal life), because if I were a head-follower, I'd probably be more logical.

I have a situation right now that I would love to follow my heart with, because I think it can give me what I want the most, but things aren't going that way at all. I think I'm going to have to go with my head on this one. It's hard. I'm a little (or a lot) sad. but maybe, just maybe, it has to be done this way. Because if it were meant to happen the other way, it would have already done so. :/ right?? so rough.

I hope things look up over spring break this coming week.

xo,

ash

two important people.

Guys...
I just love my grandparents. They are seriously the coolest. Last night, I popped in their vid we made them for their 50th anniversary back in August of 2012. (Still working on trying to upload and link it here, cause I know I have some readers that are very dear friends of the family and I think would like to see it.) I cried. It takes a lot for me to cry like that. I have been thinking about them a lot lately. They're getting older. Which is not terrible, it's really not. A lot of my friends who are near the youngest in their families don't even have grandparents around still. So I know it's a blessing, but I can't help but be selfish and want them around for major milestones in my life. Graduation with a Bachelor's Degree. Dare I say even graduation from graduate school. Dragging my future husband to little old Price, because he'll know how important they are to me and that I want them to meet him and vice versa and see how proud of the choice I am making to marry him. My wedding. OH my goodness, you have no idea how important it is that they are both at my wedding--getting a picture like the one I have from my aunt's wedding where they and me are dancing; I'll just be a little older and taller this time :) Them seeing me possibly move for career and educational opportunities. Seeing my kids as they grow up. The possibilities are endless.

It's no secret that my grandfather and I share an extremely special bond. I can't even put it into words. The one who, for two years while at CEU, told me to focus on my education and don't let other things get in the way. The one who always calls me beautiful and nicknames me doll or baby doll and tells me how pretty my hair is. The one who always makes sure I am safe, that I can cover rent, car expenses, etc. The one who tells me to, "Be careful up to Salt Lake because all the men there are bastards." The one who always would take me to McDonald's (when my gam was working) on main street in July, when I would stay weeks on end every summer in Price, and we would eat big breakfasts and chat :) The one from which I gained my love of long, (almost-) solitary drives to just think about and ponder life. The one who always would take me to walmart and color fuzzy posters with me and teach me the all-important negotiation mantra, "He who speaks first, loses." The one who always brings me delicious feta and pepperoni from R&A and Workman's every time he comes up to visit.  The one who has coined one of my favorite pieces of advice, "Some days are better than others, but they are all good days. Don't you forget that, baby doll." The one who, during long drives up the canyon, would play the word game (do you say mail or male, etc., etc) and make comments on how "that's how young women these days talk," noting his differences in speech from mine--the linguist in me finds this to be so fantastic! Maybe he should have been a linguist too! One who has taught me to be close to the gospel in all that I do--he always reminds me to say my prayers, would always ask me what I learned in church when I spent Sunday nights with them, etc., etc. He's not active in the church, but I know deep down that he knows it's true. The one who raised (with my Gami of course!) my mother, and without her strong example, I wouldn't be the same. This chain reaction has helped me to know how I want to teach my kids :) I am grateful for all that my grandparents have taught me; all things and experiences, great and small. This might be mushy, but I just had to take a second and jot down my feelings for them. I hope they know how much I love them, and that I always will.

xoxo,
ash

normal.

Watch this

"Normal is safe. Familiar. Warm and comfortable. Normal is the thing you know. It is what is. But normal isn't great. It isn't fantastic. Normal can never be amazing."

I love this ad. I know it's good to think about the 'normal' in my life. I don't want to be normal :) I will be extraordinary. I want to feel like the person floating on the end of the huge clump of balloons. Or just be crazy! Like the dude surfing on the high-side of the mini cooper. or like the man in a horse mask that pulled up next to me at a stoplight tonight. Yep, that really happened.

Basically, I'm really happy with how things are going. I wore a huge smile all day today for a couple of reasons. I got to work at the elementary school and we talked about dreams/goals/future occupations with the 1st/2nd graders and they said what they wanted to be. I told them that I think i want to be a teacher. A little girl said, "But Miss Ashlie, you are already a teacher." It made my day. I love be surrounded by the kids and teaching them things :) then I went to work, which is always a great time. I was thinking about it today--the seniors will be graduating in just a few short months. It's wild to me how attached I've gotten to them since I've started working there. so fun. 

Ah, it's all so mind-boggling to me. I remember (very vividly) a conversation I had with my dad. We were driving up to Weber State for a student gov thing in the summer between my freshman and sophomore years of college. I was 19. It was one of many what-are-you-gonna-do-with-your-life-talks. We'd hit that area where it gets super windy, and there's all the 1-84 and S. Weber on and off-ramps, by the hotel and the deck/playground/fence place. (I don't suppose that detail's important, but that's ok.) He was telling some things that he thought I'd be good at. Lawyer, teacher and some other choices. I was unsure about law school, and I did not want to be a teacher. I pretty much yelled at him, "I DO NOT want to be a teacher!!" and that was really the end of the conversation because those talks were so upsetting to me. I'm glad they're behind me :) It seems that a lot of things I originally think I don't want, are what I gravitate toward later in life. Now I can't not take reverse psychology crap that people pull with me seriously! Anyway, I've stopped *really* planning life, which is a total flip-flop of how I used to be. I'm excited to see where life takes me!

xoxox,

ash

summer plans

 LSA 2013 in Ann Arbor this summer is a go for this girl! So stoked! 

I loved it when I went to Boulder in 2011, so I'm even more stoked now; now that I've more fully realized my interests in Ling. I love doing education and I'm excited to be a teacher, but I think I'll always love linguistics and language the most. 

Plus, I've never been to Michigan. Always down to go to states I've never been. I really want to travel in America more. Should be fun :) So, LSA 2011/U Ling friends, who's headed to Ann Arbor?? 

Walt Wolfram AND Noam Chomsky are giving presentations. Wooo. That is awesome!

xoxox,
ash

valentines day/education.

Valentines was super fun this year! Thursdays are my practicum days with Ms. Brown and it was great that a holiday fell on this day. It was fun to be in the classroom, and I wish I had pictures, but I haven't quite figured out if taking pictures of the kids is creeper status or not.

This was quite different from any elementary holiday day than I know, from my own school experience or those of my siblings. I noticed that there wasn't a room mother throwing a party, which is all I know, and it wasn't until I went to visit my family and talked to my mom about this observation that I started to think. The school I work in is title one, serving a diverse economic population. Where I went to elementary school, there was never a shortage of volunteers, supplies, etc. I doubt that my teachers ever had to worry about paying a lot out-of-pocket for extras around the classroom. We had class lists of supplies that they asked parents to contribute, and parties or extra things are funded by volunteers. I have yet to ask Ms. Brown about the logistics of this, but I'm guessing that that type of thing doesn't happen at Washington.

I know there is a lot of money funneled into title one schools, for extra programs to help kids with reading, etc., which I think does help, but I think there's something to be said about parental involvement. It's sad to me that some parents don't have time to care (working multiple jobs, etc.), or just don't care at all by their own choosing. For the reading intervention part of my TESOL practicum with Mrs. Hlady, there's more evidence of this. It's heart-breaking to work with a kid who struggles with reading and is getting NO help at home. There's only so much time that can spent with them in a day! I know I'm not a teacher yet, but the little time I've spent in classrooms have made me desperate to be able to fit in as much time and as many exercises as possible. It makes me...stress! because I'm becoming attached(! that didn't take long at all--wonder what I'll be like with my own kids) and want what's best for them, and I also wish there was some way I could make time for their parents to spend time working on subjects where they are struggling. For me and peers who grew up with similar backgrounds, we learned to read at home and the classroom work was more supplemental. The situation I'm dealing with now couldn't be more opposite. I can't imagine how teachers who see this year in and year out feel! I think it'd be a little crazy, unless you learn to desensitize from it a tiny bit. 

Then there is the interesting discussion of how property taxes are distributed across the school district.We've talked about this a little bit in my education class and people have some very interesting viewpoints. It's hard to solidify an opinion because there is so much information to take in. Sometimes I think, yes, I do want my money that I pay from living in a certain area to go to their schools. Other times, I think that it would be better if things were more evenly spread. When my family lived in Layton, our school boundaries changed (just as we were moving over to Kaysville) and we were assigned to a school that most people thought was inferior(?) because a portion of the population was very low-income and that the mixing wouldn't be as good as the current elementary that students were attending. It's a completely different school district, but there is also the example of East and West High. A lot of my friends who were in East boundaries went to West because of the academic opportunities that are there! There are great things offered there, I see it every day with my job. Granted, I've never looked into things that East does or does not have, but a lot of material I've read on West says that it is very well known for its programs and people want their kids to go there. So this example isn't really based on location/surrounding demographics. I'm trying to wrap my head around all of this. It's a lot to think about, but I like hearing what people have to say. Thoughts??

xoxox,
ash

PS. I think this is up next on my to-read list:


Has anyone read it? We should start a bookclub!

a realization.

 

I agree with this, 100%. I've learned a lot about true friends in the past little while.

I finally realized that I don't need anyone who doesn't need me.

because I know my true friends do need me. and they help maintain a friendship, not a convenience-ship. 

Same with boys. Even though it sucks right now to like guys who have no interest, and having ni interest in guys that like me, I'm done chasing. 

With either friends or boys, if they want to stay in my life, they will make an effort. I've always been one who worries about quality of friendships and fixing things that aren't just-so. This first aspect hasn't changed a bit. Still the same aspect of not needing a ton of friends, just a select few that I can trust and open up to, which is fantastic, considering I'm a closed book unless you know me well. 

This new-found knowledge has served me well so far this week :)

xoxox,

ash

hobbies.

 I need more hobbies. I want to amp up my life, so today, I've been thinking about hobbies that I can incorporate into my life to give it some pizazz! Here is the list that I've come up with and how I am going to facilitate such happenings:

Learn the guitar: find a friend who knows how and learn from them or take a community education class. I tried to teach myself when I was 17. That didn't work so well, but I need to give it another go :)

Learn to knit: I see all these great books on knitting when I browse bookstores. I'm picking one up (or maybe for my birthday ;)

Learn to crochet: same as knitting--although I at least know how to do a couple basic stitches and have everything I need as far as hooks and yarn go.

Become a better baker: When I was in high school, I loved to bake and everything I baked was good/turned out. I've lost my touch! So my plan is to back two new things each month, and when I find something noteworthy, perfect it! Also, I want to find a go-to. For times when I need to take something to a gathering, etc., that's NOT thaw and drop cookie dough. Blech.

Become a cook: this is probably the biggest one on this list! Each week I will pick some new recipes that actually take effort. Started this last week and made Indian curry. It was good :)

Jewelry making

Swimming

Running: this along with Zumba make my life great these days! Love the endorphins. Exercise makes me feel alive.

Ballroom dance...!: I really want to learn how to partner dance, even my coordination isn't that great! haha

Get back into playing my violin


yay for learning new things.

xoxo,

ash

fresh start.

Since I chose to put off graduation to increase my gpa for grad school acceptance, I have been thinking about doing a second major in education. So I decided to take EDU 1010 and I guess I'll see :) I am taking that, and a Literacy, Learning and Development class. I feel like I need more than one class to see if I'm interested in it, and that one goes along with what I want to do for grad school with the literacy component!

My sched this semester:

EDU 1010 with an 18 hr fieldwork practicum.
ED PSY 3110--the literacy class!
LING 3600--Cross Cultural Comm. Not thrilled about this one, but just gotta do it. The teacher is super nice so that's good!
and my practicum for TESOL certification. That is going to be fun. Well, the class, idk. It's online. I hate online classes haha. BUT--I did get into the school that I wanted and I thought it would be so hard cause there are only two spots but the teacher was really excited when she got back to me. I will be working at Washington Elementary with their Early Language Development students and with reading intervention. I am thrilled!!!

So between that practicum in the elementary school and working at the high school, I'm going to be busy. Yay! All I'll need is time in a jr. high this semester! Maybe I can do my edu 1010 practicum at a jh. haha. No, I actually think I'd like to do it at the high school. I love the kids that I work with and it'd be nice to not have to travel very far. I lucked out. My work (the hs) and my TESOL practicum school are three minutes apart!

I really want to go to the University of Michigan for graduate school and get into their Literacy, Language and Culture program in the school of education. That would be so great. Whenever I visit their site and read about it, I get so excited!!

Back to the education thing--it would take awhile, but I feel like I need a back-up plan. I love ling so so much, but I honestly can't see myself being abroad my whole life. I will be so happy to do it for a few years, but eventually I will want to come back to the states. Teaching would be good. I enjoy it and I could make it work with a family life. and it ties in with what I want for my grad degree! ling+edu+literacy=a happy me.

oh my goodness. so many thoughts right now about school! So you'll be hearing about it a lot this semester. I'm excited!


xoxox,
ash

end of the year post.

I've changed a lot this year and I am so glad!
I feel like I've grown into a person that I want to be, rather than who everyone else wants me to be and for that I am grateful. I've realized that it doesn't matter what others want for me. They don't have to live my life, I do :) so, on I go.

A big change that has happened this year is that I will be going to China after graduation! Which I've talked about before. It's awesome, even though I never planned on teaching or going abroad for work. Another change is that graduation/China won't be happening when I thought, which has been HARD to grasp. I was so ready to go. ;( I am so bummed. I'll get there, just not right now. I wonder why some things turn out the way they do, it sucks.

Main goal for 2013:

Be kinder to everyone.
It's simple and needed. I need to judge a lot less, and accept a lot more.

That's really it. I do have other things I want to work on, but this is the frontrunner. It must be done.

Happy new year,
xoxox,

ash