becoming a grown up?

"and the day came that the wish to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." --anais nin

Yesterday, I turned 21. Legal. Adult. whoa... Like I should start growing up or somethin.

back to the above quote {Rantings}...

That is where I am at. and I like it...

Blossom...

maybe a corny term?

But it's true.

part of the blossoming...is not sitting back and doing whatev, ya know...

confidence

sticking up for my convictions

except...I tell people what I want and I still worry sometimes.

What if I come across as mean or selfish, etc.?

That is one aspect (or rather two aspects?) that I don't like about myself--

-I worry.

-I hate when I don't have control.

(don't worry, my life is not spiraling out of control or anything like that)

more like I want control over specific situations.

That's something I have to work really hard at.

going with the flow.

but believe me, I'm trying.

just keep going.

very calming.

the point of this post...i guess

strengths and weaknesses.

happy valentines, peeps!

xoxo

me

It's crunch time.

This point in the semester is realllly busy. I will be so happy when school calms down. As long as I get through December 8th, I will consider it a good thing! So today through Wednesday, school and work; Thanksgiving thursday. Can you believe it's already Thanksgiving??? I simply cannot. This whole year has just flown by!

So yay for school and two jobs! It's busy, it's my life, but I cannot complain--
Yesterday, I was really frustrated, and had a little bit of a breakdown. My mom was quick to remind me that, while there may be some craziness going down at our house right now {the few who read this, I'm sure I've talked to about it}, but we always have things to be thankful for.

I've always kinda thought that 'thankful lists' that people put up on their blogs are kinda strange sometimes, but this year, I decided I wanted to write a few things. I always do an entry like this in my journal, but I wanted to outwardly express some things too.

I am thankful for:

• my family. I may grumble sometimes because of petty annoyances and such, but in the end, your family has your back. I'm excited to see my extended fam in Price in a couple days too.
• my friends. I may not have the most rockin social life, but you know what? I'm fine with that :) I am so grateful for my close friends and the bonds we have.
• my education. There's no question about it. I am glad that I get to learn and have the opportunities that I do with school.
• a job and another job. When I got back from Spain, it took me forever and a freaking day to find a job, but I finally did. Then I found another one, and that was a big blessing in my life.
• the ability to work. I've learned in the past little while that hard work does pay off; and on the flip side of it, do all that you can, the best you can, and things will work out.
• the knowledge that everything happens for a reason. I honestly believe that.
• the blessings of the gospel. I have also learned in the past little while, that as long as I am doing my best, trying to help everything along, and pray for the rest, that things will be fine. I'm the type of person that wants to able to control close to every aspect of my life, but...life doesn't work like that. I had a profound moment last week, where I was sitting at a performance for some kids that I get to work with at one of my jobs, and I got a call about a job starting in January that they wanted me to interview for and also an email for another job. I felt content at that moment in time--everything is gonna be alright.
• being happy. Simple as that :)

The list will go on and on.

What are you guys thankful for??

xoxo

ash

some fun stuff.

Lately, there have been some fun things going on in my life.

I finally got a job! Working with an afterschool 4-H club. I'm pretty excited about that!

I got a new car! 2002 Mazda 626 and I freaking love to drive it! ahh.

Last night, John Allred (LOVE) and John Lefler (also Love) played Davis High to benefit Operation Smile. Close and cheap?? You betcha I was there! It was so much fun. Allred had some new stuff that he played and I love it. His song, "Your Hand in Mine" has been stuck on repeat on my iPod. Check it out!

Ingrid Michaelson is coming on Tuesday!!!!! Me and my roommates from freshman year are going. I can already tell that it is going to be so so so much fun! I love fall concerts!

What fun things have you guys been up to??

xoxox
ash

I love this song.

"I want a snowfall kinda love, 'cause I'm a snowfall kinda girl"
--Ingrid Michaelson

That's me, the hopeless romantic.

oh hey.

Hello...

I haven't had internet consistently for awhile, and I have to say, it's nice. I haven't had the urge to be on facebook seeing the same old, same old all.the.time.

Lite Brite was this past weekend. I did have a ton of fun! It was good to see people I haven't seen in like four months, and I just have to say, it is crazy to look back and see the changes that have came about since I left CEU.

I've been learning who my true friends are. That can be a rough lesson sometimes.
Hmmm what else--I'm still plugging along, looking for a job (it's frustrating!), and focusing on school. I'm grateful for guidance from the Lord as I have been deciding what to do.

Life's been really fun the past little while. I've enjoyed meeting new people.
oh, and I need a different car.

But that's about it.

xoxox
ash

PS, can I just say that I am so excited that fall shoe weather is coming???? That is the ONLY thing (seriously, no lie) I like about this time of year. I hate that it just gets bitterly cold from here on out. Dear grad school in 2012, get me out of COLD UT.

what I've been up to.

A whole lot of random stuff!!
In the past little while {no particular order}:
(I don't care if the tenses match up in these bullet points. ha)

• went to Cherry Hill for Labor Day
• went to my family friend's baby shower and it was so fun to see her all excited. They've been trying to have a baby for quite some time. Congrats!
• watching my little sibs play soccer.
• been going to church in my home ward and surprisingly, it's going well.
• Applied at lots of places and still looking for a job.
• have had my general perspective on life change in a good way.
• seen things in a whole lot more positive way.
• met great new people.
• looked for apartments in SLC.
• went to the dentist and had no cavities when I thought I had one! and he told me I have "doggone great teeth" and that I am "a great result of orthodontia!" I thought those were good compliments. I try to take really good care of my teeth. My inner nerd is showing hahah. That's a good thing.
• I have kept up with homework. That's AWESOME!
• had some excellent phone conversations with my cousin and aunt in NM that really helped me out.
• went to a foam dance party up at Weber State with Chandra. Had a lot of fun.
• the same night, we went to Denny's and this guy dropped a dollar by my table and it had his number on it. Well, I've been trying to get out of my comfort zone, so I called him. I'm going on a date with him Saturday. We'll see how it goes. It's all about the experience, right? Right.
• This week, I have two tests and a huge essay due. and a job interview, which I am sooo excited about! Just wait and see. All on Thursday. And Thursday is usually my fave day of the week.
• Friday will make up for the tests and papers however, because IT IS REDFEST!!
• I've been finding and listening to way good music. Check out "When the leaves" by ingrid michaelson. Only don't listen to it if you don't like sappy.
• I'm learning how to analyze conversation and break it down. Linguistics strives to get at the human mind/thought through language and I love it! That is so cool. I use it in everyday conversation. It's fun to see how applicable the stuff I am learning is to real life.
• went to the amazing fireside Richard G. Scott gave with Amber. The fireside was soo great and it's been good for me to spend time with Amber too. It's nice to know I have a friend nearby that always has my back.

All-in-all, I feel fantastic! I feel that I am on the right track and am doing the things I am supposed to be doing. I'm grateful for all of the people that bless my life continually, my amazing opportunity to gain an excellent education, and the stage of life I am in and the experiences I have. I feel like I'm close to being on the top of the world! (cliche!! but I can't think of a better way to put it :) I hope you all have a wonderful week.

xoxox

ash

school.school.school.

The first week of school was great! It was pretty interesting being a transfer kid, not knowing where anything was/how everything worked, when transitioning to a HUGE campus! Wow. The U eats CEU for breakfast! (don't worry, I still love the good ole eagles!) I know where a lot more things are, this second week in, but I am still figuring out the uta and campus shuttle systems. It's proving difficult! haha. That's ok though, because I am in this for all the adventures. My classes are good for the most part; I do have one professor that puts me to sleep just by talking. You know those education documentaries they make you watch in high school because they have nothing better to do? (I'm sure you know what I am talking about) Welp, she sounds just like those people. and man, she is a weird duck! Very philosophical. which is great, but it's like she has no connection to humanity/reality. It's like she's stuck in her own world ALL the time thinking and philosophizing (yep, I just said that). Oh well, to each their own. i just hope I can stay awake well enough to take notes, The whole class is based on three essays. Yesssss! I love the linguistics classes, especially Language and Culture. It's fantastic! Spanish is always good--my teacher reminds me of being back in Oviedo in Pablo's class {I miss that}. Italian is meh...I thought I would like it more. I love that the teacher talks all in Italian to us, but it would def help if I had a clue what she was saying! ha.

As far as extra stuff, I have tried to attend a lot of activities. I went to an institute carnival and had lots of fun and there were wayy cute boys--there were so many people to meet. I joined an LDS sorority (the title sounds cliche to me, but I roll with it) and have been doing fun stuff with them. I went to Crimson nights (one, but they make it plural), my friend Angela that goes to Weber went with me (I was so happy she wanted to go, I am still meeting people that go to the U, but wanted a closer friend to go with) and it was super fun! It was from 9pm-2am. They had tons of activities you could do--dancing, carnival rides and games, get a massage, palm and tarot card readers, food, music, a PHOTOBOOTH! for goofy pics, a few crafts, etc. I had a blast. I'm lame and live at home and still have a curfew, but my dad said I could leave the U at 1 am instead of having to be home by 12, so I thought this was a fair trade. They started to run out of stuff around 1:15, and we talked to a bunch of people we knew and ran into from high school, then we headed home around 1:30. It was a really fun night. I don't have any pics.

Speaking of living at home, it has been kinda hard. I highly value my independence I had for the last two years at ceu. These days, I don't feel very connected to my family. It would be convenient to be on my own and also closer. I love Salt Lake! Just cool vibes. I want to move out and move to slc (I've even been looking and found a decent apt), but ya know what would help with that?? Oh yeah--a JOB! I really need to get some calls. I have applied at numerous places and no one has called me for an interview. They all have also said that you get notified if they don't want you for an interview, and I haven't gotten any of those either. I guess I'm sort of in limbo mode right now, and that sucks because there are things I need/want to pay for and can't. I'm hoping I can get hired on somewhere fast!

On Monday, I went to John Mayer at USANA! First time going there and it was fantastic!! He is a crazo for sure, drunk and high at the same time, but he is an amazing musician live. Love him more that way than on an album! IF you get a chance, go see him!!! and Kalai is coming to Crimson Rally in mid sept. I get to see one of my all-time fave singers live and for free!!! It's a win-win; can't beat it!

Have a good, safe long weekend everyone!
xoxox
ash

better.

This week hasn't been the best {last post}. But it has gotten better. Wednesday was Eric's viewing and the Oviedo crew had a celebration of his life--aka PARTYYY. Pretty much everyone, minus one or two people showed up at some point during the course of the night. He would have been proud. It was good to see everyone. We printed off two big pictures that we really liked of him, signed one and the other was just plain. I am sending those along with a card that we signed as well to his family on Monday. His funeral was Thursday and it was really well done. Man, it's sad to know that he's not in DC right now, when he was so excited to be able to go. Although, he's in a better place now, with the Lord. Thoughts and prayers are with the Wright family.

Ok, good to get that out of my system.
Nothing else deserves to go in this post.

xoxo
Ash

erfja;lkfjsk'ejaipjgfqei'rjgipewgjuipohjgpoq4wegtu

is how I feel right now.

It goes from being a fa-nnnnn-tastic first week of school {which I will write more about when I am in a better mood} to a crappy one.

I make it a point to stay positive in all that I say and do (including journals/blogs), but I need to say some things. I'm not usually negative.

A friend from the study abroad program I went on this last summer passed away. Although, I didn't know him that well, he was a great friend in the time I did get to spend with him, and he was funnier than ANYTHING. Not kidding. He was in Washington DC for an intership (when it happened), and he had talked about going all summer, He was so excited about going, and boom, one week into it, he's gone. Makes you realize how precious life is. It was definitely a wake up call for me--don't take the little things in life for granted and be careful in all that you do. That makes no sense, but hopefully the few that read this will just get it.

This is a sucky, sucky feeling. Thanks to my parents and all my friends for helping me out. Tomorrow will be a better day.

Ash

i'm a ute now.

MONDAY--

SCHOOL STARTS! Wootie!

To tell you the truth, I kinda can't wait :) I feel really good about where I am at right now with my education and pleased at that because of the weeks, maybe even months of worrying, constantly thinking about what I should do. For now, I am taking the entrance classes in the Linguistics program (I've probably already said that), because they sound fascinating and there are a lot of career options as well as it being a good program for teaching me the skills for getting into law school. I'm pretty excited. I am sad to be leaving CEU though-I will miss my friends and fun times there. Change is good.

My schedule:

Italian 1010 (the goal is to be fluent in Spanish, but I want to learn Italian too)

Intro. Study of Language (this is the class that is the only pre-req, and I'm also taking like 2 of 4 classes that I don't have to take this class first for).

Language and Culture (a lot of international comparison stuff with this class)

Language and Cognition (philosophy type stuff)

and finally--Spanish intermediate conversation and reading. This class is gonna be waaayy hard, but I'm stoked for it! Plus, a lot of my Oviedo buds are in it too, so that will be a fun reunion!

I'm also taking an institute class. I really need to actually go this semester haha.

Wishlist (afraid it's going to have to wait until I find a job! That's okay though) :

What's back to school without new school clothes/shoes??

I really want both these pairs of boots. As well as a few jackets, cute pieces of jewelry, a watch and some headbands!


and how about an iTunes gift card? I have scored in the new music finding department lately. I would be one happy camper with some iTunes moolah!

Is anyone with me in the loving new school supplies department? I've always been crazy about notebooks/pens/other school supplies/etc. all year round, but back-to-school time is the best. Case in point: My mom and I were in Walmart the other day stocking up on crayons and markers for my bro and sis and I said something to the effect of loving school stuff and she said, "I'm so glad I don't have to buy you new notebooks and stuff this year." {this is the third year of that, don't worry}

I just bought a freaking cute backpack and am on the hunt for a sweet planner :)

Hooray! I love this time of year. Not to mention my brain really needs to be used in a scholarly way. What am I gonna do when I have no more school?? {not for at least two years, so I guess I will cross that bridge when I come to it}

In the words of Billy Madison: "T-t-t-t-to-day, Junior!" {just because I'm a jr. this year. ha.}
Oh and ps, I will be watching that movie this weekend.
Good luck to everybody with back to school.

xoxoxo
ash